What Makes Me Beautiful

When I was little, I was a skinny girl. I started to gain weight in my mid 20s. It wasn’t because I found a new love of eating–I’ve always been fond of food–but it seemed like my body was naturally expanding by itself each time I ate. When I got to 30, I gained more weight.

A few family members, friends and an ex-boyfriend used to love to joke about my weight. At first I defended myself from whatever they said about me. But after a while I got tired and I thought maybe if I stay quiet then they’d finally pipe down and cut me some slack. I was wrong.

I’ve grown so tired of people commenting and joking about my body, sometimes I wish I could just disappear. I wanted them to stop mocking me because I don’t have a magazine-healthy body, let alone a supermodel-thin body. But much as I despite their remarks, they got into me without me even realizing it. I started to not care about what I wore or how I looked because people would mock me anyway. And every time I was in a public place and had to stand near a slim woman, I’d move further away and then stared at the ground or looked at something in the opposite direction of that woman. I equated beauty with being skinny and the word “beautiful” had become a total stranger to my ears.

Then I got to my lowest point when the thought of taking a glance at myself in the mirror hurt me. Ridiculous, I know. But it happened. One day, I was having an off day and talked to God about it while browsing, and accidentally clicked a video. It was One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful”. At first I was like, “One Direction? Really, God???” But then I listened, really listened to the lyrics. Of all the words in that song, the first line captured me – “YOU’RE INSECURE, DON’T KNOW WHAT FOR”.

It was at that moment when I really felt God held me in His arms and asked me, “Beloved, why are you so insecure?” Then He continued, “My daughter, I created you. I do not make mistakes. I love you, even when you don’t love yourself.” I fell on my knees and I cried. I asked God to forgive me for hating the way I look and for not appreciating what He has given me – health to cherish, eyes to see, ears to hear, nose to smell, tongue to taste, hands to hold, legs to walk, and so much more.

Since then I no longer heed people’s opinions and approvals of my body and how I look. I may never get my old shape back, but it doesn’t stress me anymore. God changed my heart and the way I look at myself.

Bottom line: God loves me and accepts me just the way I am and He created only one me – that’s what makes me beautiful.

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I’d love to share “Beautiful” by MercyMe to all the ladies out there – especially those who are insecure of the way they look. This song touched me, transformed me and strengthen me. I hope you will experience the same. Know that you ARE beautiful in God’s eyes and that’s what matters. Love yourself, ’cause “you’re the one He madly loves enough to die“!

::e::

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2 comments on “What Makes Me Beautiful

  1. Navjot says:

    People are not perfect. But God is. You can trust someone. But you can have faith only on God. We cannot believe in the judgement of people. It is all lies. When they approve of us or when they disapprove, every-time, it is a lie. Our ego – our self – has become too much dependent on the language. When they say something bad for us, we feel bad. When they say something good, we feel good. But every-time, we believe in lies.
    You are right my friend when you say you are beautiful in God’s eyes. Because he created you. You are Unique! Only ONE Daniella! Only one in the whole world. And that is what matters. You are beautiful. You are. No matter what anyone says.
    I hope you are smiling and shining right now and spreading the love in your heart all around you.

    your friend,
    Navjot

    • ellaherself says:

      THANK YOU, N!!! Reading your comment make me even more grateful to God for blessing me with such an amazing friend like Y-O-U! I’m really, really glad our paths crossed and we stay friends until now. I am humbled by your kind words…but believe me when I say I’m having a huge smile on my face right now, yaar :)))

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