When I was little, I was a skinny girl. I started to gain weight in my mid 20s. It wasn’t because I found a new love of eating–I’ve always been fond of food–but it seemed like my body was naturally expanding by itself each time I ate. When I got to 30, I gained more weight.
A few family members, friends and an ex-boyfriend used to love to joke about my weight. At first I defended myself from whatever they said about me. But after a while I got tired and I thought maybe if I stay quiet then they’d finally pipe down and cut me some slack. I was wrong.
I’ve grown so tired of people commenting and joking about my body, sometimes I wish I could just disappear. I wanted them to stop mocking me because I don’t have a magazine-healthy body, let alone a supermodel-thin body. But much as I despite their remarks, they got into me without me even realizing it. I started to not care about what I wore or how I looked because people would mock me anyway. And every time I was in a public place and had to stand near a slim woman, I’d move further away and then stared at the ground or looked at something in the opposite direction of that woman. I equated beauty with being skinny and the word “beautiful” had become a total stranger to my ears.
Then I got to my lowest point when the thought of taking a glance at myself in the mirror hurt me. Ridiculous, I know. But it happened. One day, I was having an off day and talked to God about it while browsing, and accidentally clicked a video. It was One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful”. At first I was like, “One Direction? Really, God???” But then I listened, really listened to the lyrics. Of all the words in that song, the first line captured me – “YOU’RE INSECURE, DON’T KNOW WHAT FOR”.
It was at that moment when I really felt God held me in His arms and asked me, “Beloved, why are you so insecure?” Then He continued, “My daughter, I created you. I do not make mistakes. I love you, even when you don’t love yourself.” I fell on my knees and I cried. I asked God to forgive me for hating the way I look and for not appreciating what He has given me – health to cherish, eyes to see, ears to hear, nose to smell, tongue to taste, hands to hold, legs to walk, and so much more.
Since then I no longer heed people’s opinions and approvals of my body and how I look. I may never get my old shape back, but it doesn’t stress me anymore. God changed my heart and the way I look at myself.
Bottom line: God loves me and accepts me just the way I am and He created only one me – that’s what makes me beautiful.
I’d love to share “Beautiful” by MercyMe to all the ladies out there – especially those who are insecure of the way they look. This song touched me, transformed me and strengthen me. I hope you will experience the same. Know that you ARE beautiful in God’s eyes and that’s what matters. Love yourself, ’cause “you’re the one He madly loves enough to die“!